Question Number: 25763

Law 5 - The Referee 11/21/2011

RE: Rec Under 13

Patrick of Loudoun, Virginia USA asks...

I am refereeing a U12 game. It is the beginning of the 2nd half and it is 1-0 for the home team. The losing team's coach has a reputation for taking things way to seriously. My AR had made an offside call, I agreed, and a parent on the coaches sideline wasn't to happy about the call and said to me, 'Kill the ref'. I was a little intimidated by the comment, but didn't eject the parent. A few minutes later, the same parent yelled a curse word at me. Since I am a new ref, I didn't feel comfortable cautioning him or even ejecting the parent. I ended the game earlier because of that sideline, and reported it to my referee assignor. Should have I sent off the parent and cautioned the coach?

Answer provided by Referee Joe McHugh

Hi Patrick
Cards are only ever shown to players and substitutes unless there is a competition rule that allows technical staff to be carded.
The emotions generated by the game inside the field of play can potentially cause people watching the game to project negative behavior, including negative shouting and calling. Some people that I know become unintentionally very different people when caught up in the emotion of the game. Now the referee has to decide if the outside interference is effecting the game and that includes the refereeing. The referee has the power to stop the game because of this outside interference. Many times simply ignoring the calling can work where the shouter sees no effect to his behaviour and simply gives up. If negative behavior from a spectator or coach continues, the referee should stop the game, ask the coach to desist or if it is a spectator ask the coach to deal with it."" The Ask, Tell, Remove is a good method of dealing with this and you should learn the delivery of this and improve your skills in this area. This is what USSF has to say""
The 'Ask, Tell, Remove' process is recommended for all officials to follow regarding conduct within the technical area:
# Ask
If a situation arises where there is irresponsible behavior, the official (referee, assistant referee, or fourth official) should ASK the person(s) to stop.
# Tell
If there is another occurrence of irresponsible behavior, the official should inform that person that the behavior is not permissible and TELL them (insist) to stop.
# Remove
If the non-accepted actions continue, the referee must REMOVE that person immediately"".

As regards dealing with spectators that is a matter for the teams. Referees should never approach spectators or get involved with them. If a matter needs to be attended to the referee should approach the coach and ask him to deal with the situation. Use the same Ask, Tell, Remove procedure with the exception of using the coach to deliver the message.
Now in this situation I would have ignored the first comment as you did. The 2nd one I would probably also ignore but the next outburst I would approach the coach and ask him to deal with the irresponsible behaviour of the spectator. I would let everyone know that I am not happy with the spectator through my engagement with the coach. On his next outburst I would tell the coach that the spectator will be asked to leave if he continues and the follow it through. What needs to happen is that everyone knows that it is the irresponsible behaviour that is jeopardiing the game continuing. If he is removed then play continues. If he fails to leave the match is abandoned.

Answer provided by Referee Keith Contarino

Patrick; you have no authority to dismiss a parent. You had two choices:
1. You could have gone to the coach of the parent and told him you were not restarting the game until the parent left the field and it's surroundings.
2. If you felt you were in danger, you could have abandoned the game.

Of the 2 choices I think #1 the far better choice. No need for you to tolerate abuse from anyone but go through the proper channels and have the coach handle it.

Answer provided by Referee Dennis Wickham

The parent behaved irresponsibly, and the coach failed to manage the parents. Any referee that feels in danger should not let the match continue.

First rule: if it is affecting you, your referee team, or the players, deal with it.

Second rule: if it is not affecting you, your referee team, or the players, ignore it.

It never gets better when you violate the first rule. There is, however, another way for the referee to deal with unruly parents. How to deal with it.

A t the next stoppage in play. Hold up the restart. (Take the ball.) Walk slowly toward the coach. Calm yourself during the walk. Note: if the problem is on the losing team, you will have their attention by a slow walk. They want the game to restart. If the problem is on the winning team's side, make sure everyone know that the 'clock is stopped.' (They don't care that we 'add time' rather than 'stop the clock.')

Ask the coach to step away from the team/parents. (Sometimes the best place for a chat is on the field). Then, politely Ask the coach to take care of the parent. You don't need to threaten anything. 'His/her conduct is unacceptable. Can you please talk to them.'

The coach usually will agree. If the coach wants to talk about anything else, don't. 'We are here to talk about that parent.'

If the coach won't agree to take care of the parent (some will tell you 'no idea who she is') you then move to the final step. If the coach agrees, but the parents behavior does not change, the final step is:

At the next stoppage, you again hold up the restart. 'That person must leave the field immediately.' It almost always requires one more step: 'If that person has not left sight and sound of the field within 2 minutes, the match will be abandoned.' Do not restart until the parent has left sight and sound of the field. Note: the other parents are often embarrassed by the antics of unruly parent. They won't usually say anything, but secretly they are supporting you 100 percent. Only a few spectators are jerks, and no one cares for their conduct.

Early in my career, someone advised me to actually write down each of these steps. As if I was writing a play. I then read each allowed, and adjusted the script to my personality. (I will begin, 'Coach, I need your help.') Knowing exactly what you will say helps you get through what is a tense situation.

But, I end where I begin. The problem here was the parent, not the referee. If you aren't having fun, then no one is having fun.

The following questions were asked as a follow up to the above question...

See Question: 25770