Question Number: 14483

Character, Attitude and Control 11/20/2006

Gil Acedo of Pasadena, CA USA asks...

This question is a follow up to question 14462

Re: Question #14462

Red & yellow cards can only be shown to players and named substitues. Cards can not be shown to coaches and spectators in CYSA.

When the sun is hot and shade is scarce, I have allowed spectators to stand (many yards) behind a goal after telling the coach that this is allowed as long as they are as quiet as church mice. If the situation becomes unworkable, I will ASK the coach to get the spectators to take their place along the touch line. Haven't had a problem yet.

Some times, politeness and civility go a long way when one is wearing the yellow shirt. Asking a coach to do something or not to do something is sometimes more effective than commanding them. I had words once with an unruly coach in the first half. I ran over to him at half-time and shook his hand; never heard a peep from him in the second half. In fact, I overheard him attempting to calm his parents when they became overheated.

This young person may find reffing is more enjoyable by enlisting the coaches to be on his side and not causing them to be adversaries.

Some times it can't be helped but, can't we all just get along?

Gil Acedo

Answer provided by Referee Keith Contarino

Hi Gil. Am not familiar with CYSA rules so thanks for update. I agree with you. the referee in this question and referees in general seem to add fuel to the fire. Unruly coaches need to be dealt with as do parents that are seated soas to influence play. I always approach such parents with an apologetic tone of voice and tell them I just can't let them sit there. Have yet to have a problem

Answer provided by Referee Chuck Fleischer

Gil, understand but you won't believe the parents around here. Not only that but some clubs in this area, CYSA member clubs, demand the showing of cards to parents and coaches. I try to advise but they just feel better doing it the way they want. After all, laws are made to be broken. Refereeing 'round these parts stopped being fun for me a long time ago. Would rather par for a plane ticket to Austria and work for free than accept money to get screamed at by parents and coaches who think they own the world. Laters

Regards,

Answer provided by Referee Ben Mueller

I always say...whatever works. I once gave a presentation on "verbal judo" to a group of state level referees. In a nutshell it is very similar to the method that you describe on staying cal when dealing with coaches and parents and not pulling out the whip until you absolutly hae to.

Answer provided by Referee Richard Dawson

Hi Gil,
good points as always my friend. This get along thing you refer too can we ship some to the Middle East? It is the pinacle of human relationships to agree to disagree for the good of all. It is called enlightenment, unfortunately there remains much darkness in the hearts and minds of some! Spread the light my friend the world will be a better place! Cheers