Question Number: 29323

Mechanics 4/16/2015

RE: rec Under 13

pete of floral park, NY usa asks...

Hi Refs,
In a girls u-12 game a parent of one of the players kept talking to her about her positioning, what she should do when she had the ball, and when things didnt go according to plan he would get mad at her, and it was plain to see how it effected her game, a few times the girl actually asked her dad to be quiet ( in a polite way ) but he just wouldn't leave her alone after about 20mins of the berating she walked over to her coach crying asking to be taken off the field of play, and the sad part is she didn't return to the field for the rest of the game, being a parent myself i think what this guy did to his daughter was borderline abusive, my question is, do you think match officials should say something to the parent or are their hands tied when it comes to situations like this.
Thanks.
pete.

Answer provided by Referee Richard Dawson

Hi Pete,
Abuse CAN NOT be tolerated.
Any decent soccer organization should have a zero abuse policy in place with guts to enforce said policy. The coach should intervene, other parents should have some input but if the individual is a bully, intimidation and the ever present its none of my concern attitude is used as an excuse.

As an official, while direct intervention is not a great idea, the coach can be held accountable when this is brought to HIS attention by YOU the referee of the impact on the match/player.

When I get a player whose parent is a screaming meanie and I recognize the impact it has. I could talk to the player and ask if they would like to show their parent a yellow card to warn them that their conduct is not welcome and the match could be halted if they persist. Not all are eager, although most some smile as wide as the Grand Canyon at the prospect.

I have done this only a few times and while it had a desired effect including a cheering from the supporting parents as tired of the garbage as we all were. It is possible that embarrassing an adult could backfire if they are of evil intent and might create a family altercation.

On the rare occasions I have directly intervened it was more to calm over exuberant adults who were full of good intentions to support the kids but were scaring the bejesus out of wee ones, just unaware they were doing so.

These incidents are unpleasant and while you should weigh carefully what actions you initiate, the players' safety, well being and enjoyment is your key responsibility. As a coach I try to have the parents understand the distraction of kids trying to listen and play actually makes it very difficult for players to think for themselves if the adults on the touchlines try to control their actions.
.

Cheers

Answer provided by Referee Joe McHugh

Hi Pete
It is really a matter for the coach / team to deal with in the first instance and the referee should speak with the coach about this. I recall as a young player a team mate in one underage team who was constantly coached / shouted at by his father from the side line and in fact the coach requested the father to do it as it improved the players performance. We did not like it yet it happened.
Match officials are advised not to get involved directly with parents / spectators in such circumstances and many would be loath to intervene in a parent / child situation.
It is for this reason that many League adopt a silent side lines policy and many academies in the UK only allow parents to view the games by video link from the clubhouse due to the negative influence that parents have on the game and the players. I also believe that clubs have a responsibility here. All should be providing parents with an expected code of conduct which should include dealing with such situations. There should be NO parent coaching and parents should only be allowed to offer encouragement and even that should be limited. I hear parents praising players for kicking the ball away aimlessly up-field when the coach is trying to encourage possession with pass and move.
Anyway I think that if the child asked her dad to desist and stopped playing when that did not happen that the team / family needs to sort it in the first instance. The reason I say this is that the measures available to the referee can be embarrassing to the player and perhaps cause ill feeling. I have no difficulty when the behaviour is abusive, irresponsible and affecting the game. The Ask Tell and Remove approach is then used using the coach / home team as the conduit.
I also think that very experienced officials with excellent interpersonal skills and presence such as Referees Dawson and Wickham can deal with these situations. A young referee who is learning the game is unlikely to manage that very well.

Answer provided by Referee Dennis Wickham

The referee can do a couple of things:

(a) Have a quiet word with the player. Observe how the player is doing and talk to him or her.

(b) Have a quiet word with the coach. The coach needs to know that the comments are affecting the player, and is in the best position to deal with it.

(c) If the coach is unable to affect the behavior, and the comments are abusive (rather than just annoying), stop play and announce that play will not restart until the spectator leaves sight and sound of the field. But, IMO, the referee needs to be aware that having your mom or dad expelled is extremely embarrassing for the child. It shouldn't be the first response, but the referee is not required to be a potted plan and ignore abusive behavior from parents even if the abuse is not directed at the referee. Protecting the players is job #1.

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See Question: 29327