Question Number: 15891

Character, Attitude and Control 6/26/2007

RE: 09 Under 17

Autin Lee Cantrell of Claremore, OK U.S.A. asks...

what should i do if a parent verbally insults me after the game is over? i tried to get her name from her but she refused. take note the couch was not present having stormed off after refusing to sign the game rosters. Her reason not to sign the rosters was because they hd not won a single game for the whole season. the assistant couch/parent considered me disrespectful, after saying that it was not my fault they lost all those games, and verbally insulted me. how should i better treat this situation if it is to happen again? Was i disrespectful by saying my comment?

Answer provided by Referee Ben Mueller

Write down everything and report it to the league ASAP. Always get the rosters and game reports before the match so that if the situation arises, you can leave the match with little confrontation when it is over. If the coach refuses to sign, then report that to the league as well.

Answer provided by Referee Jon Sommer

Report to the league. it'll be the team that is punished and then this parent will feel very stupid. One thing you'll learn, its always your fault!!!!

Answer provided by Referee Richard Dawson

It is a sad reality that the few of ignorance and those of black spirit litter the landscape of sports fields far and wide. Controversey of a dispute where strong opinions are held are troubling when those involved can not agree to disagre for the sake of the game but to some extent can be sorted out!

However, rude and spiteful individuals though, can not lay claim to an educated opinion, reasoned or well thought out. To often the bitterness which fills their own pathetic lives overflows on to those unfortunate enough to fall within their grasp.
I always thank them for their time and offer sympathy on their loss . This annoys or befuddles them as I explain obviously your life must be filled with sorrow to be so vindictive or petty so I will pray for you to find the peace you so earnestly require!
I can even do so without sounding sarcastic!

As my colleagues point out get to that signing stuff and roster stuff before the game. You should have a review board of some type in the league to oversee discipline or monitor unpleasent situations. Good leagues have policy in place so we can monitor, record, report and follow through with resolution!

If you are angry or upset and find you lack the patience to deal with such tirades . Exit quickly with silence, dignity, grace and a smile that generally hits them hard. To sink to an exchange of such garbage in front of the kids that we are supposed to mentor and sets an example lacks all that is good within the human spirit to deal with adversity Write the report and move on!

Never take it personally and forgive those who are so unfortunate to have such ugliness rule their lives . You must not dwell on the black hole emotives otherwise you will fester as they do!
Cheers

Answer provided by Referee Debbie Hoelscher

....and they very likely hadn't won a single game all season because the coaches obviously have no idea what they are doing. Pathetic is a kind word.

Answer provided by Referee Nathan Lacy

Unfortunatly parents and coaches think that they can say whatever they want to us and we aren't allowed to say anything back. I see nothing disrespectful in your reply. Experience has taught me that to engage in a discussion with an upset coach or parent, however, is asking for nothing more than trouble because no matter what you say they will twist it and use it against you. I am reminded of the old adage "you can't misquote silence." My suggestion for the next time is that when a coach and/or parent is obviously "wound up" just let them vent, report it, and move on. If they are willing to have an open and reasonable discussion with you then by all means discuss events in a civil and respectful tone but remember it has to go both ways. The minute they start to turn nasty, get angry, etc., then it is time to end the conversation and tend to your paperwork. All the best,