Question Number: 15355

Character, Attitude and Control 5/2/2007

RE: select High School

ralph shelley of huntington, ny usa asks...

how do you treat the vainglorious ref that is into denial about what is transpiring on the field and takes the veiw of the ar (me) as something to deflect. And yet sure enough all hell breaks loose because of his ego and non-action. i'm of the school if you make a mistake admit it and learn from it. Others are more into saving face and thinking their fooling a better ref who is ar ing for assignment reasons only. The powers that be do not like these issues and its hurting the service we try very hard to deliever. Comments please!

Answer provided by Referee Chuck Fleischer

Hello Ralph, been a long time. How to treat an Alpha Hotel referee who won't take the assistant's word for something or take criticism don't assign him until he does. If he is assigned and YOU happen to be his assistant, don't accept the assignment.

If the service you provide is as you describe wouldn't the players be better off without referees? I tend to think so. What says your Board?

Regards,

Answer provided by Referee Richard Dawson

Hi Ralph,
as an AR you are there to assist the referee in the management of a game and to weed the garden of fair play effectively!
Not to baby-sit only nourish,
or
you need not endure his platitudes but listen as that is the best communication,
or
strive to defend his honor but rather protect him from himself
or
suffer his derision this is not worth listening to for no communication can occur only anger and resentment flourishes in this garden.

An AR be they years or days at the post should demand effort and focus from themselves and seek direction and guidance from the referee. Remember the referee at whatever his experiance level can have on his plate that day more than a normal portion. Time must be allowed to round off the edges to allow experiance and expand knowledge that is assuming you can communicate at some level. Explain what you see and express how you feel in as positive a frame of mind as is humanly possible.
I refereed with non english ARS and ARed for non English referees I remain amazed at how well we can communicate the game to each otherwith hand gestures and grunts! LOL! ;o)

If the referee is a grade A ripe tomato and blows you off,
you record and report consider refusing future assignments with this individual UNLESS it gets worked out.
Olive branches require a leap of faith that lights are on and someone is home!
If the referee continually insults belittles or goes on a mind expanding I am the greatest at your expense at every opportunity hand him back the flags, resist telling him where he could put them and
you record and report and refuse to work with him!.

If your league holds you at fault for walking out or refusing assignments since they are not listening or care, find a different league. Such is the price of conviction, even if you know you are right others are not under that delusion? ;o) Failure is truly marked only when no solution is sought!

Any referee who allows his ARs to be the subject of disdain permitting USB or similar actions or comments directed towards the ARs without positive intervention will FAIL any assessment in my opinion!

Self respect is a gift we give ourselves no one can take it, we must choose to give it up. Once this is done it will be very difficult to recover!

When a very senior referee tried to highlight some sensitive issues several years ago he was excluded from the mainframe for being so presumptuous as if only he realized what issues require attention.
He tried to make a difference, likely in confidence but perhaps he knew when he rolled the rocks they would continue down the hill. What good is a secret if no one shares it!

Taking a stand with no fence post up the butt puts you on a side be it one of moral integrity, financial responsibility, self interest, delusions of making a difference, etc.. Surely you know there is way more than two sides to any issue?

There is a fine line at times between honor and self righteousness. Having courage of conviction and admitting one could be wrong versus
Having courage of conviction and refusing to worry about being wrong

For some individuals to admit fault is a weakness, exploited by those who see it as a failure rather than an act of honor or compassion. Yet if we value truth and honesty as a positive character, an admission of an error is perceived as a positive step to resolve issues rather than deny or deflect them. That said a referee apologizing and admitting errors too often undermines the confidence of others as to his ability to manage difficult situations.

I often reflect given the pressure a referee is under at various levels just how composed one can remain if things are not going well?
At the grassroots if I am surrounded by the angry players generally as referee I am all alone thinking about possibly abandoning the match! Who has my back? If I know I have two ARs it strengthens my resolve

At the premier level with 50,ooo fans plus tv viewers although I feel the pressure it is different as the public identity is far greater and to some extent one could feel safer less inclined to abandon a match.
We are emboldened by the professional status of the players, and our colleagues. Players are held very accountable for certain actions even as they are permitted to get away with others that at the grassroots I doubt I could let slide. Officials too are accountable and cannot hide from the camera or the glare of a recorded mis-step!
A referee generally has more to fear from fans then players if the game deteriorates. hOwever, f the officials are not bound together in the context of self preservation when things come undone it will be a sorry day indeed!

Fear is a mind killer and undermines the character if it is allowed to run amuck. A healthy respect for fear is normal and COURAGE is the ability to face it without losing it.

No one referees without a backbone and to say we have no ego is preposterous, of course those who compete for the top referee spots have egos. To a certain extent some are infatuated with their self importance. Yet often they are the embodiment of integrity and noble virtue. Pride in accomplishment does not always turn into arrogance. What is a pitfall to be aware of is power in any form is a heady thing, not all handle it's intoxication well despite good intentions.

Paranoia, they could fear someone is undermining them or terror, they fear a mistake where they could be belittled. Such things can create defensive measures to protect ones esteem. If they operate from a position of respect and strentghen this resolve to be right. It becomes greater than the willingness to understand when things might be wrong. Perception occupies top spot in the opinion one has about anything.

Your point about, "I'm of the school if you make a mistake admit it and learn from it." is not going to improve the future experiences as not all mistakes are black and white. Sure, we error in law as we start out on our career, award an indfk inside the 6 yard goal area we know to pull it back next time to the outer edge and can remember not to that again.

What we are really on about is the fluidity of interpersonal dynamics. The coping mechanisms to avoid unnecessary confrontation or repair the mistakes that lead to confrontation are often undeterminable based on the human equation of need, result and history.

We go with our guts, our experience in similar situations. Is it fear really why that official appears to be in denial? If incompetence is not a practiced art can we salvage this official from the abyss? Is the referee bereft of honor?

Integrity is comprised of the element of trust, the need for compassion, the strength of conviction, the knowledge and understanding of the game, its participants and its laws this allows us to define the meaning of FAIR PLAY.

In a practical sense the referee is a match condition just like the weather or the pitch surface or a fixture on the field. Blazing hot mild or cool the temperature of a match reflects the conditions it is played under. Referees who force ARs to adopt outside defensive stature will freeze rather than form a team of officials working for the betterment of the match basking in the warm glow of the fire.

The referee is a force to be endured as sleeted snow or enjoyed as a ray of warm sunshine, a lush green freshly mowed pitch or a water soaked pancake surface where the water puddles because it is so hard, as immovable as the goal post or as unexpected as a rebound off a corner flag.
The real bonus even if it is bad? 1 and 1/2hours it could be over! When it is good? 1 and 1/2hours it could begin again!
Cheers

Answer provided by Referee Keith Contarino

Had one like this awhile back. Never looked over at me. No control of the game. Sure enough a fist fight broke out before he called anything and then only 2 cautions. I simply have asked the assignor not to AR any of his games in the future.