Question Number: 15061

Character, Attitude and Control 3/28/2007

Gil Acedo of Pasadena, CA USA asks...

This question is a follow up to question 15044

Hello gentlemen:

I am a smart a** by nature and will fire off a quip or two myself and highly admire a clever retort, but find in youth games (teens) that sarcasm is not only unappreciated but frequently misunderstood by the youths and the coach himself, particularly when things have gotten a little heated. I know this through personal experience. Testerone and anger are two elements that seem to blunt the humor receptors in the mind.

I have also found that a comment that may have been received good-naturedly in the first half is perceived as downright insulting in the waning moments of the match when things are more tense. So, as Ref Fleischer says, you gotta know how far and when to press the issue.

I love sharing a laugh with the players (refs can have fun too, right?), but try to know when humor works and when a stern comment is more effective and, most of the time, am successful...most of the time.

Thanks for your time.

Gil

Answer provided by Referee Keith Contarino

Hey Gil. Never meant to imply I used sarcasm with youth players unless I know them and their parents very well. I talk constantly so they know I see things. Whether it's "all Ball" or "no Foul" or "Advantage", I think it imperitive they know what I see

Answer provided by Referee Gary Voshol

Yes, you definitely have to know your "audience". What you think of as a witty remark may only serve to reinforce their opinion that you're an idiot. It's even worse when you're using sarcasm, and they miss it - "But ref, you just said ..." Our goal should be not just to talk to the players, of any age, but to communicate to them. If anyone can come up with a sure-fire way of doing that, please let me know. I sometimes think whatever I say sounds like Charlie Brown's teacher. "Waah, waah, waah, Whaah?"

Answer provided by Referee Chuck Fleischer

Gil when there is a testosterone slick field my verbal discussions are usually limited to the captain [singular]. All others see hand signals or hear the whistle, these can have only the meaning intended. Amateur matches, and above, are another story -- I tried to learn all the names during the 90 minutes.

Surprising how far something like this goes: Raul, nice shot but I know why you missed! He is going to be curious, right? He is going to ask, right? Now the fun begins... I all hinges around him being off balance and that threw off his aim!!!

1. Your shirt tail was out, that threw you off balance..

2. Holding onto his shorts threw you off balance..

3. Pushing him threw you off balance..

He'll fix whatever you say without thinking. When he scores a goal on the next go you must say something to reinforce his good behaviour. Thanks for not holding pushing or shirts in now, well done.

You know the most obnoxious 15 year old understands this kind of logic, too!

Regards,