Question Number: 14461

Character, Attitude and Control 11/17/2006

RE: AYSO Under 15

Alan of Corona, CA United States asks...

I know sometimes the games emotional but I had a tough time with a parent It was a close game and his side was winning. He started yelling at players on the other team, "shut up you whiners". One other little detail, he was wearing his referee uniform from a previous game.

I asked him to stop and pointed out he was wearing a ref uniform. I also told him to remove or cover his uniform since he was a spectator and not involved in the game. I had seen senior refs in our league tell other coaches and parents that so I followed their lead. However, I must admit I've never seen that specific rule.

Anyway, he "got in my face" and told me I couldn't tell him what to do. I told him to leave again and he did., however I'm not expecting a birthday card from him anytime soon

I'm an intermediate ref with 9 years AYSO experience and played in college. Appreciate your comments and suggestions
Thanks

Answer provided by Referee Ben Mueller

Yeah I cannot stand people like that. Wearing his referee uniform to show off to everyone that he is a referee and then acts like a jerk during your match. Referees should NEVER under any circumstance criticize another referee. This comes right from the referee ethics section in the admin handbook. He should know better than to wear the referee uniform when he is not working a game. Report this guys to your district admin.

Answer provided by Referee Chuck Fleischer

Stop the match instantly. Ask the referee to leave. Don't start until he leaves. If he doesn't the match is over, and his name is included in correspondence to the State Referee Administrator for disciplinary action because he is acting intolerably. He brings shame to us all and he must be convinced to refrain from such behavior or removed from refereeing.

Regards,

Answer provided by Referee Richard Dawson

Responsible people will often say that is not really like me when they explode in anger or get upset at perceived errors or outright mistakes. They fool only themselves for how we act under pressure or adversity is what we are really like. The raw passion and emotions create the attitudes, the need for a win or to be thought right and cloud reasoned ability to agree to disagree and move on. If the person is at least honourable with some integrity and decency they will calm down and often apologised if they accept the fact they acted like a bone head. I often find coach /referee or referee/parents are some of the worst at initiating controversy because they are under an illusion that what they think actually means something more than it does! I too suffer from that same malady when working with officials who appear in my opinion to be less than stellar. I find biting my tongue to be most painful. At tournament play wearing a referee uniform while watching other matches has not been a big issue but if that uniform was participating in the way you describe indeed it is! It is interesting but I know of no policy as to the wearing of official uniforms in the stands? Certainly in the technical areas or in and around the field posing as a referee could not be tolerated as in side by side with AR! They are interfering in the match Professional courtesy even if one is not truly a complete professional as an active member in a volunteer organization who is paid a small fee for services to the extent we are ethically in this together. It is ludicrous to create controversy and argue in front of all participants. In so far as your control over the obtuse individual . Technically you may have none if he is in the stands but a causal word to the coach that the game will not continue with our friend present or to the security personal that the game is being brought into disrepute could solve this. Certainly this conduct can be reported and local policy may result from it. Blame is a finger point of futility work to FIX the problems! It is always disconcerting when people rant on about free speech and their right to say what they wish. Freedom is the ultimate in responsibility because of the VALUE of choice to respect other people is how it is to be measured! In this he was measured weighed and found wanting! FAIR PLAY, FUN, for the good of the game Cheers

Answer provided by Referee Keith Contarino

He may be correct in that you have no authority over him but you sure have authority to stop the game and refuse to restart until he leaves. if you know who he is, you should get in touch with your referee assignor and report his conduct while still wearing a referee uniform, something that should never be done!! If you know people in authority at the State level, they should be notified also.