Question Number: 12501

Character, Attitude and Control 4/7/2006

RE: Any, Recreational, Premiere, kids, grownups... Adult

Chris of Albuquerque, NM USA asks...

Hello again Panel from the Land of Enchantment. As I hope you know by now, I'm a fan of the site and a frequent visitor. Once again, I'm here for guidance, and once again, it's kind of a long story (although I think by now none of you who have fielded prior questions from me should be surprised by that).

Last Sunday, April 2nd, I had to terminate my second match of the season, a third division men's match for the so-called "Adult" soccer league here in Albuquerque. I terminated it because I sent someone off for Offensive, Insulting, Abusive Language for telling a player on the opposing team "f--- you." It was loud enough, it was between two players who had been going at it all day (although the gent sent off was definitely the instigator by my view), the guy I sent off was already riding on a yellow card from earlier in the match (Unsporting Behavior, jumping up and down in front of somebody throwing in the ball, less than two yards away, a la basketball), and I think it would have escalated even more if I didn't intervene.

Off he goes, except he doesn't leave the immediate environs of the field, he tries to stay on his sideline. I advise everybody that I'm not restarting the match until he leaves entirely, that's what being "sent off" means, etc. etc. etc.

He flips me off, refuses to leave, so I blow my whistle, terminate the match, write the report, send it to the League, etc. etc. etc. I have no doubt he'll be sitting for a few games.

Prior to this match, a few weekends ago, I had to terminate a U-14 boys match for one (and only one) team's sideline (not the opposing team, they spoke with their skills, not their mouths -- novel concept), getting completely out of hand, yelling at me, dissenting my AR (for which the coach was dealt with), the parents for this team followed suit (surprise), yelled, screamed, bitched, moaned. Of course, the head coach who already has me in less than high regard doesn't do anything to shut up his parents when I task him with dealing with it. I hear one parent make a snide remark that "this isn't some AYSO game" and that just ends it for me. I didn't come from AYSO, I never played in AYSO, but I know two things about AYSO: the philosophy is that everybody plays, and the Referees who work their matches work them FOR FREE. Therefore, in my eyes, you do NOT disrespect AYSO. I might put my daughter in AYSO when she's old enough if she wants to play.

Anyway, I blow the whistle, termintate that match early, keep both teams' passcards, give them to the League, write a full report, etc. etc. etc. And with that one, when asked for my name, instead of telling them my name and telling them to make sure they spell it correctly (something I have regrettably done in the past), I simply say "get it from the Assignor."

I've been working on the treadmill, hard. I think I'm close enough to play. I'm consistent.

But here's the thing about both of these games. In each one, all the fouls went against the team that bitched and whined the most and of course, the games were terminated because of their miscreants. In each match, I got yelled at for calling a one-sided game.

Now, whether this is right or not, and I think we all (Referees) do it, after blowing the whistle two or three times for the same group of perpetraitors, I start watching REAL closely for fouls committed by the other team, just to show everybody that I will, in fact, call it both ways. Particularly speaking of the U-14 boys match, I literally could not find any fouls but perhaps two to call against the good, quiet, disciplined team for the whole match (abbreviated, though it was). Same with the adult team who did not have the foul-mouth sent off. The ratio of fouls committed by the mouthy teams versus those who speak with their skills (and oftentimes win) was literally something like 10 or 15 to one foul committed by the disciplined team.

Panel, am I doing something wrong? Am I alone here? Have you ever had a game where one team came to play and the other team came to ride you sideways? I've never had a season where I terminated two games already, and we still have like three weeks of the season left!!

I don't know how much help you can give me here, but I'm very receptive to feedback right now.

Thanks always,

Chris

Answer provided by Referee Keith Contarino

Hi Chris. I'd like to say we never look for things to call against the "well-behaved" team but I think you're correct. We all probably do it. The problem, of course, is most teams that are foul mouthed pains in the butt are usually made up of players /coaches that play unfairly also. You can't make up fouls to call just because only one team is playing unfairly. In 500+ games, I've never had to terminate one but reading what you wrote, I may have terminated both your games also. My only "advice" would be to ignore the parents unless they are interferring with your ARs or the players. I had a similar youth game a few weeks ago. One of the coaches approached me at the half and said he felt one of the opposing players was unfairly charging his players. he was referring to a very tall girl. I told him I would watch carefully. What happened was his players decided to take things in their own hands and started shoving the larger opponent in the back, and, right in front of me. This resulted in more fouls and finally a card or two. I don't think you're doing anything wrong. If there's a way to avoid terminating a match, do so. I don't have all the details but every time I've booted a coach, his players and parents quieted down. Did you dismiss the coach for refusing to help with the parents? If you had, you may have avoided terminating the match.

Answer provided by Referee Nathan Lacy

These are never easy situations. I have found a number of different ways that I have been able to manage these kinds of events but my methods may not work for you - we each need to find what works for us and I believe that this is at the heart of your question. I believe that you are looking for that "secret/special method" that will enable you to NOT terminate a match and I commend you on asking for advice. The problem here is that each event presents its own unique circumstances that must be considered as you look for an effective solution and the key here is EXPERIENCE. The more games you do and the more things you try the more answers and possibilities you will find that might work. Suggestions from things I have tried: (1) Loudly announce a time limit - "If player #5 isn't gone in one minute this match is terminated." Oftentimes his teammates will "help" with his departure; (2) Become more "officious" in dealing with the persistently fouling team - talk to them - verbalize that they are pushing the limit and when you blow the whistle you can look at them as if to say "I was trying to tell you." There are more BUT I would suggest that you talk with some local experienced refs who have worked these games and dealt with these situations in your area and see what THEY suggest. Regardless, keep at it, keep searching for answers, and keep your great attitude. All the best,

Answer provided by Referee Chuck Fleischer

Refs Contarino and Lacy offer thoughts for you. I think what you find yourself wondering is: what the %$&@ did I do wrong?

Answer: Perhaps nothing... You got out of both matches without bent and broken players, right? That, Chris is the bottom line. They'll come back and be a little more careful. You, on the other hand, are taking an introspective look at yourself and trying to figure out what your bag of tricks is lacking.

Each referee is going to deal with every situation as his personality demands, some will handle these things in a smooth and fluid manner; others, and I tend to fall here sometimes, will be all jerky and reactionary. Bottom line is having the courage to deal with the problem and get on with things by finishing or going home early.

Ref Lacy says to seek out local experienced referees. I think he means knowledgeable referees, not the old been there a long time and have our minds made up kinda guy. Find the assessor or the instructor. The assessor to tell you how your game is doing and the instructor to fill in the blank spaces in your knowledge base. There are those who can do both things equally well, but they are few and far between. If you're in a local youth club and do not have the experience base necessary for this kind of help seek out an amateur match and speak with the referee there, he is going to have more experience than a club ref and he might even know in which direction to point you for help.

Regards,